Sometimes I’m selfish.
I put my baby girl down for naps because I am tired even if she isn’t. I turn her high chair around at meals so her back is to the TV and I can watch my shows. I sometimes stay inside with her all day because leaving seems like such an ordeal. At bedtime I choose shorter books so reading them won’t take so long. I sometimes put the longer books out of her reach. And then when the day is done I feel awful. But why?
I'm a stay at home mom giving 110% to both my daughter and fiancée. I read to my baby girl every day. I chase her and hold her and cuddle her and tickle her. We draw, scribble, and practice building repeatedly. Even on the snowiest of days I try to get her and I out of the house at least once. We do story time every week and find the local mommy-and-me classes when they’re offered. We play in the local pool and jump on trampolines when the gym is open.
I have made ALL of her food since the day she started eating. I have nursed her every day since she was born and will continue to do so until she’s ready to stop. I wake up most nights (sometimes twice) to feed and do so without hesitation.
So why do we as women beat ourselves up so much? It’s just like when we look in the mirror. We immediately focus on the imperfections and flaws rather than the positive? My daughter is happy and healthy and beautiful and fun. She brings so much joy to so many people and is without a doubt the light of my life.
So when I feel like I’m a bad mother I need to remember that I’m not. I need to replace all my mommy guilt with a more positive outlook on becoming a parent. It’s all about finding balance.